War of My Life

Y'all. It's been awhile. To be precise, it has been exactly 4 years-- to the day.

In 4 years...

I have grown up.
I have been loved.
I have been heartbroken.
I have been sad.
I have been happy.
I have been healthy.
I have been unstable.
I have been calm.
I have been peaceful.
I have been disappointed.
I have been funny.
I have been angry.
I have been excited.
I am 30.

Welcome to this thing called my life... again.

when life smacks you in the face...

Hey y'all! I know it's been a minute and a million things have happened but as I think I've said before there is healing in writing.  The reason for this blog is to be real and to talk about grief. I strongly believe that grief is real and we experience every stage at some point during a loss. So bear with me as I describe my grief...

Monday afternoon. I LOST my job. Yeah... That's right. Jenee Tenor... FIRED from her job. It's still hard for me to believe and understand but it happened. The girl who has worked since she could work.... LOST HER JOB. What is happening in the world.

My Grief
1. Denial and Isolation: Psych Central says it best: "We block out the words and hide from the facts."

I couldn't believe that this was actually happening to me. Is this real life? Is this a dream? Are they really letting me go? What did I do? As one of my friends put it: WHAT. THE. HELL. Those were my feelings. I had no idea what was happening and I didn't have the opportunity to say anything. It just happened and I had to deal. I only left my house once in two days. I didn't know what my life was without work. What do I do now?

2. Anger: I think we all know what anger is...

I am not an angry person. If you know me. You would not consider me angry. It takes a lot to make me angry. So in this situation I think it showed me another side of myself. Jenee indeed does get angry. And probably not for what you're thinking. I'm sad that I got fired. But I am angry I never got a chance to say my peace. I'm angry that some people I LOVED working with will only remember me by a tarnished opinion of one person. I am angry at that. Because that wasn't fair.

3. Bargaining: "trying" to make a deal with God, people, etc...

I'm skipping this step... I know that God has something better for me out there. He knew before I knew that this was going to happening and he has things laid out for me. I don't need to bargain with him.

4. Depression: Psychology Today explains me well, "Hopelessness makes it feel like you will never move on and that nothing will ever work out for you in the future."

I think I told several people that I feel like a HUGE FAT FAILURE. Like is that tattooed on my forehead now? For someone who VALUES their work being let go is like a BIG SLAP in the FACE. I wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out. I haven't been sleeping. I'm bored. I'm anxious. It's weird. It's so weird. Where do I go from here? Will I recover from this?

5. Acceptance: Psychology Today says "Finally, this is the phase in which we are able to make peace with the loss. It doesn’t always come on suddenly; it often happens gradually, little bit by little bit..."

Now... What do I do? I move on. Little by little. I start the application process for graduate school. I start studying for the GRE. I get on the healthcare.gov and research health insurance plans --> because NO one wants to see me off my meds. JKJK! I apply for part-time jobs. I just wait and see what God has out there for me. I can't change what happened but I can be ready to embrace the future.

I hope that whoever reads this, that you don't judge me and that you see me as a real person with real issues and a real life.

 

 

To do or not to do?

As some of you know I've tried the online dating scene and had little success... I have horror stories, I've made mistakes, and I've made a few friends a long the way (well one friend) but no success at love. 

Recently I've contemplated trying it again and giving it a second shot, but I've been working through pros and cons on whether or not it's worth it. 

Pros

Several people I've talked to agree that it helps ease the stress of meeting someone when your super busy. 

You have the ability to talk with someone online and sorta weed out if there is attraction or not before meeting them rather than wasting a lot of time. 

There is the potential to actually find love. Both of my roommates found their significant others through online dating and will both get married to those guys. 

Cons

There is always a fear of not being able to know the intentions of the other person. 

Catfish... It happens! 

There is always the struggle of being able to show who you completely are behind the comfort of a computer. We like to build ourselves up. It's not terrible, but when our flaws show, people aren't ready for that. 

So as you can see I have a lot to think about. Put my heart on the line again or just wait things out? 

To do or not to do? 

Conversations with Jenee: It's Valentines... Again.

It's Valentine's season again. And I've been thinking a lot about expectations. A lot of times I hear people say that girls are picky. We place a lot of expectations on guys and sometimes hinder ourselves from actually being in a relationship. So I wanted to see if guys actually had expectations they placed on girls and how they influence the way guys choose girls. So I went around asking all the guys I know and they gave me a list of deal breakers (yikes) and must-haves (yay) in a potential significant other.

Deal Breakers

• smoking
• shallow
• superficial
• materialistic
• baggage (i.e. kids)
• short-fused
• dirty
• jealous
• cheating
• dumb/stupid
• financial woes
• still in contact with your ex's
• bad kissers
• can't be friends with your friends
• alcoholic
• can't take care of herself
•  has terrible hygiene/cleanliness/ isn't put together

Must Haves

• adventurous
• fun to be around and with
• pretty
• career/goal-oriented
• intelligent
• is good at communicating
• personable
• animal-lover
• confident
• independent
• financially stable
• has teeth and pretty teeth
• jokes around
• low maintenance
• wants kids
• sense of fashion
• willing to try new things
• has self respect
• someone that can be taken home to mom

I don't think it's a matter of having a list of deal-breakers and must-haves that we check and uncheck that ultimately finds us the right person. It's taking a step back and realizing what's important in life and finding someone who we want to share the important stuff that happens in our lives.

Happy Valentine's Day :)

Conversations with Jenee: Failure.

Have you ever felt like a failure?

I have. Probably almost everyday. It's like a disease that spreads through my veins and paralyzes me into thinking I can't do anything right for anybody.  It's unfortunate to feel this way.

Recently, I've been listening to this song by Colbie Caillat that I think is her best song since Bubbly. It's called "Try". She basically says that as girls we try to be all these things that everyone wants but in the end lose ourselves and that we should ultimately love the person we are.

As the new year approaches I am going to try this new thing where I give up on trying to make everything right in the world I can't control and just let things be. God has ultimate control and he'll see things through. Even when I think I've failed.

Would you rather...

Would you rather be lied to or told the truth? 

I've been wrestling with the concept of honesty lately and I've been faced with moments of having to be honest with myself.

I feel like sometimes it's easy to live behind lies. I'd rather stay behind the darkness of what is comfortable and easy than face the inevitable reality of truth.

But what's that old saying "the truth will set you free..." 

Being honest with myself may be difficult and hard to face but boy does the weight of the world that I've been carrying seem a little lighter. 

Tuesday Tunes

I forgot to post for Music Monday. So how about Tuesday Tunes. Here are the Top 10 songs playing on my iPod at the moment.

All About That Bass

 

Latch

 

Superheroes

 

Basket Case

 

Dancing on My Own

 

Happiness

 

Love Somebody

 

Eden

 

Pumpin Blood

 

Everything Will Change

 



Just Another Music Monday

Music is a huge part of my life. It makes me happy. It makes me sad. It's everything. When my best friend and I had this random idea to cheer each other up it made sense. I hope this short but happy video makes your Monday happy.



Conversations between Jenee and You

My best friend had a blog that she called Conversations between B and Interwebs and I loved it because she wrote about the random things going on in her life and it was literally like a conversation. So to pay homage to her and to get some things out of my brain, I'm going to have a conversation with you today.

My life has been a whirlwind this past month. But I will say that I have learned more about myself in the past month than I have in awhile. All because of dating. I know right? Jenee went out on a date. A couple of dates in fact. I hit it off with this guy and we were hanging out for a little while and I can honestly say it was the most fun month of my life. For someone like me who spends a lot of time carrying other people's burdens or the weight of the world on her shoulders. To say that I had fun is a HUGE statement. But I did. And I can honestly say I miss it. I don't necessarily miss the boy I was hanging out with. I miss the person I was. I was normal. I was carefree. I wasn't the "dump truck" that I sometimes feel like I am. I took care of myself. I miss that. So this past week has been really hard. It's like I've forgotten how to take care of myself. I'm back into old patterns. The carefree Jenee and the normal Jenee are gone. Strange right? I know. I'm still grappling with it as well. Why does hanging out with a guy make me feel so carefree and normal. Probably because it's something I never expected to be comfortable with. And I am. Weird.

Say what you need to say...

Hello! I've been MIA for a bit. Lots of craziness in my life. But I'm back.

I've been having a lot of discussions lately about honesty and friendships, etc. So it got me to thinking about relationships and expectations in those relationships. Not to toot my own horn or anything but I've been told by a lot of people that they like talking to me. I haven't quite figured that out because I'm the most insane person I know but apparently I am a good listener. I'm definitely thankful that people enjoy my company and like talking to me but I place this pressure on myself to always have the right answer or have something to say whenever someone tells me a story. But what I'm learning is that I can't and won't always have what that person needs. Someone wise told me once that sometimes just listening is what people need. They don't need an eloquent speech or words of wisdom all the time. They just need someone whose quietly and engagely  listening to the things going on in their hearts.

I've also been learning that it's good to listen to yourself. "You know YOU the best" someone told me recently. And she was right. Being able to listen to your own heart and the needs of your own heart is a beautiful thing. Sometimes you find yourself not going down a path of destruction because of something someone else "told" you or "made" you do because you took a step back and listened to your gut.

So I guess the point of my rambling and of this blog is to remind you to be honest with yourself and to remember to just listen sometimes. It can be a beautiful thing when two friends really see each other for who they are for the first time.

"A Door Marked Exit"

Well scandal isn't back, but of course the inspiration for my post is deeply rooted in all things scandal. "A Door Marked Exit" was the title for the winter finale of scandal. It also was a line that Olivia's dad used when he was sparing with the president about how Olivia is the president's escape from reality, his door marked exit from all the crap in his life he hates.

I've thought about this a lot over the last couple of weeks because for me personally the past few weeks, months, years, etc. have been pretty hellish. And to be completely honest there are a million things I would consider as my door marked exit. Some things pretty "normal" that people can see ( tv addiction much?) and some things "not so normal" that people can't see and that are pretty harmful.

If we all were honest with ourselves, even Olivia's dad, we all have something in our lives that we consider a door marked exit. That thing we use to escape the ugly in our lives when things get to tough to deal with. It's hard to admit some days that life is too much and an escape from reality is needed or that we are unwilling/untrusting to get help when we need it because our society isn't necessarily giving us that boost of encouragement we need to be free...

So I get it. And I don't judge you or the president for your doors marked exit because deep down I don't know what I would do without mine.

2nd Annual "My Year in Song"

I don't have to explain to you all how much I love music or how much fun it was to think about my life in terms of a soundtrack. You know me right? Well anyway in case you don't remember feel free to read my first "My Year in Song" to get an understanding of why I love doing this. In case you forgot-- some songs a lyric, maybe an epic drum solo, piano in the background, or even the song in its entirety make it important to my soundtrack in that particular month. Sit back and enjoy the soundtrack that is my life!

January

"Marchin On" by One Republic 

February

"Home" by Glee Cast

March

"My Love Is Your Love" by Glee Cast

April

"The Heart of Life" by John Mayer

May

"Beautiful Things"- Gungor 

June

"Diamonds" by Rihanna

July

"Eden" by Sara Bareilles

August

"Oh How I Need You" by All Sons & Daughters

September

"Born and Raised" by John Mayer

October

"Hercules" by Sara Bareilles

"Everything Will Change" by Gavin DeGraw

November

"If I Die Young" by Glee Cast

December

"Wide Awake" by Glee cast

"Counting Stars" by One Republic 

Bonus Tracks

"Story of My Life" by One Direction

"Dear No One" by Tori Kelly

Perfectly Imperfect

"Perfectly imperfect"-- someone said this in a conversation with me about none other than guess... Scandal.  It not only inspired me to write again, it's also intrigued me over the past few days. Why? Because in a world that's telling you to be and act a certain way-- becoming absolutely perfect sounds like a marathon I'd NEVER win or run. Scandal does this weird thing were you hate a character one minute but then cry the next because you see the pain behind the stupid thing they did that made you mad in the first place. I mean the show is completely based on a relationship between a married president and a woman that isn't his wife. (Olitz forever!)

Everyone is flawed on that show. Just like me. I have flaws. I am by no means perfect AT ALL. Sometimes I say bad words, judge people, feel insanely depressed, write horribly, and watch an extreme amount of TV. But then I also love to laugh, have this extreme hope of healing, love for food, and for the first time ever am allowing optimism to become apart of my vocabulary. So yes in one sense to this world I am imperfect, because I don't do things like everyone expects me to. But in my world, I am perfect. Instead of living in a world where I have to be "twice as good", I can say and do things for me that will help me grow and become the woman I was born to be. Perfectly imperfect sounds like a walk in the park that I will definitely take. Be the best you!

Just the Way You Are- Bruno Mars 

"Crash and Burn"

My TV addiction is a serious problem. No one has to tell me that. I remind myself of it everyday. But this past year I think it has reached it's max! I love the TV show Scandal. Just go read the last five posts I've done or ask ANY of my friends and they'll tell ya. It's an obsession of mine.

Well in the past week or so... well ever since season 3 started to be honest things have been a little cray cray surrounding the Scandal world. If it's not the fandom fighting about Fitz vs Jake,  it's the most respected blogger amongst the fandom being outed as an employee of ABC! It's literally one thing after another. So the psycho that I am feels like my "world" is falling apart. I am losing touch with reality. I am so much meaner. Don't ask me to be honest right now. I might just say what I'm actually thinking. If I'm staying away from you, take it as a blessing. There's a reason. I'm racking my brain trying to figure out another TV show I can obsess over because Scandal isn't going to make it. I know it isn't. It is going to crash and burn because so many people like me are invested and at the sign of the least bit of trouble they are gonna pull out. The ratings for this season keep plummeting. The twitter stats keep going down and down. It's a slow burn for failure unless something happens... I am holding out hope because this show opened up my eyes to see a million things about myself and the life around me. Almost like therapy. But I also ain't no dummy and am looking vigorously for a new show! I like "acting" normal and if TV helps in the process then I must find something that helps me get back on the path of "normality".

All Roads Lead to....

Scandal is back. So in other words I have a million things to write about! So let's jump right in.

This weeks episode (302) of Scandal wasn't my favorite for a lot of reasons but in particular a scene towards the end (don't watch if violence is a problem for you) just sent me over the edge. This scene kinda goes hand in hand with a scene I mention in an earlier blog post where I talk about being real with people and honesty. But in this particular scene Olivia, the main character, is being confronted by her person  because she lied to him about something pretty big. A lot of people, bloggers are upset with the violence in this scene but I, however, the sociology/psychology major in me sees the underlying pain in this scene. Huck lost his most trusted, valued friend in a second by a decision she made. As a defense mechanism he did/does the one thing he knows as comfortable/comforting to him. What is that thing for you?

This scene pairs so well with my other post because it's why none of us trust anyone to ever fully be honest and real with. We've either experienced deep pain and hurt by someone we trusted once or we see and hear stories like the one mentioned above-- not so dramatic of course (violence and abuse are NEVER ok). So we use our defense mechanisms- shutting people out, faking friendships, not being real, mean girls, cattiness, build walls, etc. as a way to protect our hearts that are broken. It makes me ANGRY. Because this is real life. I wish to see something different.

So instead of seeing this scene as disturbing like most people are, I see it as painfully true. Trust is sacred for some reason. And once it's gone...

Plus! Sidenote! I just really love the character Huck. He's dark, yet loyal. And I love the relationship that he and Olivia had.... I was sad to see the writers take his character down this path.  :(

"752"

Well if you don't know anything about me then you need to learn fast that I love me some TV and I love me some Scandal. One of my favorite episodes I recently got to re-watch thanks to BET and these Saturday marathons they have been running. The episode is called "752". There are a million reasons why I love the episode but in particular the raw emotion and honest that is emmited just blows my mind.

The power of raw emotion and honesty. True honesty. Raw emotion. Does anyone even know how to be truly honest and show emotion? In our society, I think it's been taught to us the importance of getting ahead, being strong-- pushing whoever we need to to get what we want. We pretend we don't have time for this or that but instead remain lonely. This episode of Scandal reminded me of that. We can look like we have it all together yet still be so lonely. Why is that? I think it's because we think that everybody has it together. On the outside we all look put together but on the inside we are one jumbled up mess. So instead of our "friends" saying it'll get better, I'll pray for you, I understand. It would be better if they were saying I screwed up too but I am still pushing through and know that it'll get better. No one cares just about all the clean parts of your life. The clean parts are only half the story. We need to hear the messy. We need to know that you still struggle. And not just past struggles. But what happens now. In the present? As an adult? Today?  Lies and half truths can't be the building blocks of friendships and community. Only through God, truth, love, acceptance, forgiveness, and time can true community florish. Are you willing to set your dirt on the table with everyone else's? Whose willing to make the first move? 

All Of Me

What's it like for someone to know you inside out? Right down to your best hair days or to the way you snore in your sleep. Knowing someone is not limited to these little things by any means but what really qualifies as knowing someone? I wish I knew.

I don't think anyone really knows who I am yet. I feel as though I am even trying to figure that out myself. Letting someone in, letting someone get to know the good, bad, and ugly parts of you seems like a scary yet beautiful part of life.

I fell in love with this John Legend song "All of Me" after it was featured on an episode of Grey's Anatomy. John Legend I believe is writing to his fiancé about their relationship and how they both know one another inside out so he is giving himself all to her. He talks about them giving their imperfections to one another, how they both are a little crazy and that's ok because he is ready to give all of himself to her! It's a beautiful song that I find myself drawn too for a lot of reasons. Reasons that I don't even think I know or even ready to admit. If you're in the mood for a feel good love song please give it a listen you won't be disappointed.

Privacy

I never knew how much I valued my privacy until recently. I was in a situation recently where I didn't  have any privacy. I mean none! Maybe an hour here or there but that's it. Somedays there wasn't a second of privacy. Being an introvert,  I sometimes crave and need alone time so this situation I was in was one of the toughest. I usually take my alone times to just be and to clear my head of the day. Unfortunately that was not the case. I definitely realize how much I value my privacy and just my time alone. I will not take it for granted anymore.

You let me know you....

What better way to start off this blog after a LONG hiatus than to pay homage to my favorite TV show on television right now, Scandal. In a pivotal plot turning episode one of the main characters delivers this line telling someone "I know you because you let me know you" making it obvious that he doesn't let anyone else know him fully.

This scene stuck out to me when I saw it but I never knew why until a couple of  weeks ago when someone asked me a very similar question to the above "do you let anyone know the real you?" Being asked this brought up a lot of questions for me. Do I let anyone know the real me? Do I want anyone to know the real me? I don't know. What I do know is that writing is an outlet for me. Music and television have been ways that really help me figure out the little, maybe even big things that are going on inside. So here I will continue to write the small nuggets of truths that help me cope with the day in front of me. Hopefully I will continue to  give you a glimpse into life as I know it.

My year in Song....

Have you ever wanted certain moments in your life to play some sorta background music whenever something monumental or dramatic happened just to make the moment mean so much more? Well me being the avid music/TV lover I am-- I want this to happen to me all the time! A great TV show for me is always remembered by the song that plays when something crazy happens! We all remember that song that played when Marissa died on the O.C. or the theme song to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air! I haven't been here in awhile so I thought why not make my dreams come true and update you on the past year of my life in song! Some songs it's just a lyric, maybe the epic drums or piano in the background, or even the song in its entirety that make it important to my soundtrack. Sit back and enjoy the soundtrack that is my life!

January

I Don't Want to Be by Gavin DeGraw

February

The End Where I Begin by The Script

March

Ghost by Ingrid Michaelson

April 

Your Hands by JJ Heller

May

I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz

June

Maybe by Ingrid Michaelson

July
Let the Rain by Sara Bareilles

August

Keep Your Head Up by Andy Grammar

September

Shake It Out by Florence and The Machine but I love the Glee Version!

October

Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship

November

All by The Summit Church
All-In Stories from The Summit Church on Vimeo.

December

Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses

Treasures

If you know anything about me then you know I love music. Look at any of my previous post and you'll see several posts that are music related. There are a couple of reasons I love music but the main reason I feel like I do is because it somehow resonates the words I sometimes can never find to say. But I also find that sometimes music will actually not give me the words to say but actually it will give me a message that I sometimes need to hear.

This week hasn't particularly been the easiest week for me. Just a lot of things happened back to back and I had no idea how to deal with it all at once. I felt like I had no control. I didn't know who to turn to. I felt like God wasn't listening. But all week I had been listening to this sing about "how rich a treasure [Jesus] we possess". Today I finally understood what the true message God was trying to give me behind that song. So often I try to control everything-- but if I actually stop and think and look at what Jesus did for me He's already done all the work. I'm making myself tired trying to save everyone when that's impossible because He's already done everything that needs to be done. I have to look up to him and allow Him to do the work in his way-- not mine.

How rich a treasure we surly do possess if we actually stood back and realized it. I'm thankful for the true realization today and the peace that came with it.

"Here, it is already unlocked!!!"

So as most of you know I got to see Gavin Degraw on Tuesday night! I was wearing my lucky dress, so I had high expectations for this night and boy did it not disappoint!

I got to the venue downtown promptly around 7pm and was able to enjoy Andy Grammer's soulful voice as well as his presence in the crowd.

Then around 7:50ish cool, calm, and chill Colbie Caillat came out and gave a very relaxing set that was really fun to watch.

Finally around 9:15ish Mr. Gavin himself made his entrance and gave a rocking show where it was impossible to sit down as well as take pics with all the flashing lights!!

Welllll after they finish singing doesn't mean the show is over! If you know anything about me, you know that deep down in my heart I want to see if he'll make an appearance sometime after the show is over! So yes! I wait around! I've had the honor of being in Gavin's presence once before and sadly the three other times prior: he was at a huge venue and didn't make his way out, second time he was sick and headed to the bus, and lastly I was with a friend who couldn't stay and wait with me!! So I was staying this time to see him no matter what!

I was lucky enough to have awesome girls with me who knew what this waiting game was all about! So we hovered around in the venue for a bit after the concert was over, looking for any sign of Gavin..... And then there are screams! We see that hat! I take off on a brisk walk only to get stiff armed by this lady who apparently was security!! Came out of nowhere! I think I was so focused on the hat that I didn't see her! If I hadn't of hit her arm so hard I probably woulda kept on going. Anyway this lady tells us we can't go see him and that we have to make our way to the exit. So what do we do? We just pick another random place to chill until Gavin comes out to us! Of course this doesn't work and we get yelled at multiple times to leave! So we decide we will. We'll just wait up by the gates. At this point we have done what we have been told and exited but apparently not what they wanted! They tell us even after we have exited to leave from in front of the gates!! WHAT!! !#@$*&%^#@%$%$ ^ We have done what you said now you're trying to kick us from in front of the gate! So like any determined girl-- we find another gate and hover there!! This gate actually looks promising! It looks like the gate where the buses will leave from. So at least we'll get to wave goodbye!

At this point I'm getting sad! I wore my lucky dress! The same dress I met Gavin in the first time (embarrassing pic later) this dress is carrying all the luck and it's getting me nowhere! But wait! There are more screams! And just over the top of the fence covered by some type of sheet material we see the Hat! Gavin came out to sign autographs for leftover lingering fans! WHAT!!! They kicked us out! But not everyone! So what do determined girls/boy do? We hang over the fence, pull back this sheet material covering the fence, or jump the fence and watch Gavin sign autographs. We mope and talk about how much we hate the security people for kicking us out and not them! Jenee(me) says "We love you Gavin!!!!" just so that he knows we're so close to him yet so far! He see us!! Waves!! And continues signing autographs. But keeps looking back!

We have high hopes!!!!! He continues to keep looking over at us! Does this mean he'll come over! I don't know! Maybe this lucky dress will work after all! He signs his last autograph and we wave and shout things to him and HE COMES OVER!!! Yes COMES OVER!! But he's only talking to us over the fence because at this point he doesn't know but we all know that I discovered that the gate was unlocked a long time ago!!! But we decided that if all of us ran in we would get in more trouble than we would like so we shut it and kept our hopes up for something better!! Well better came when Gavin says "how many of you are out there" and something clicked and I have no idea what he said or anyone said but I knew they needed to know that the gate was unlocked!! And seeing how my aggressive side comes out at night and I wasn't taking anything for chance!! I let them know it was open! I casually unlocked the gate and said "Here! it is already unlocked!!!!" I freaked out the guy that was with Gavin and he said something like "OH NO!" But Gavin was soooooo awesome and kind and squeezed right through the gate and signed autographs and took pictures with like 7 or so girls and guys! And even answered questions and chatted with us a bit! Can you believe it? I still cannot! Like in a million years what artist would do that? None! Especially one as famous as Gavin! I was so shocked! And so proud at the same time! He's been my favorite artist for years because of his humble and genuine personality and soulful voice! Now I just got to see it in person! Even one of his band mates was awesome enough to come and talk with us and take pics! That truly will be a night I never forget!

(1'st time I met Gavin in '09!! Can't really see the lucky dress in this pic! but this is it as well as my double chin marty, and Mr. Degraw!!!!!!!!)

(Gavin and Me!! '12 --> and the lucky dress)

(Ian! the drummer! And the girls!!!! <3)

*thanks MarieJo for taking pics and Angie for letting me tag along! :)

Connected

A few months ago I wrote a blog about how crazy I was about Gavin Degraw. I was fortunenough toget to see him again for the 5th time on Tuesday night with some awesome girls. (More to come-- Tomorrow)

I titled this blog connected for that very reason. The awesome girls that I got to share this night with-- the night I and they will never forget. I was in the Gavin Degraw fan club for a year my sophomore year in college. I loved it. I met these amazing fans from all over the world who had the same if not more love for Gavin that I did. Fast forward 2 and 1/2 years later, no longer apart of the fan club, and I'm still talking to these girls like I never left. Half of you are reading this like-- yep, I knew she was crazy. And that's ok!

But what I've been thinking about ever since leaving that concert is that so many of my closest friends are Christians and we are connected through something much bigger than Gavin Degraw and his name is Jesus, yet that bond gets so overshadowed by life's daily hassles. My prayer this week and what seems like it will be forever is that God will constantly remind people and me of the bond he created for us to have and that we actually utilize that bond. Because if it's anything like the bond I have with the Gavin Girls it has to be amazing because these girls constantly remind me to never give up, push for my dreams, to have fun, and to be honest. It's a connection I am forever grateful to have and it's a connection I hope to start creating in other areas of my life.

here's a teaser for the after concert showdown blog tomorrow....... I even got stiff armed by some lady! but know I prevailed in the end!!

(photo props to MarieJo!)

Zac Efron

Yeah I know I know... Me and my posts about famous people! I promise it's going to make sense! Today is the last day of the blogger challenge and I have let you all inside my heart and mind for the past month, so it only makes sense that I leave you with something that I have learned.

So I was one of those obsessed girls who loved Zac Efron and the High School Musical saga. I know all the songs, pretended to be Gabriella (Vanessa Hudgens), and pretended I could sing. Well the last movie came out when I was a sophomore in college... Yeah I know... And I of course went out to buy the DVD and was so proud of where those kids had been and how much they had grown up.

Well recently I saw The Lucky One a movie based off a book by Nicholas Sparks that stars none other than Zac Efron. Before I saw the film all I was thinking is, he's too young for this part and/or the girl they paired him with in the movie looks too old for him, etc. etc. etc. I finally see the movie and boy was I more than wrong! Zac is no kid and he more than played the part well; he owned it. He was not that little boy who sang and dance in those musicals 3 years ago, he was a man.

Well happens to be that I will be graduating soon and I will no longer get to be the naive girl who watches and lives vicariously through characters in movies, however, I will have to be a young woman finding her place in the big ol world out there. Zac Efron believe it or not reminded me of the changes that are definitely ahead of me and how I have a lot to look forward to and a lot to prepare for. It's the start of something new and I'm willing and ready to see what's next and new for me.

In the sweet voices of Gabriella and Troy.....

Yellow

When I think of the word or color yellow, I think refreshing! It's such a beautiful color that reminds me of happiness, freshness, and spring. The first things I think of when I think of yellow....

Yellow by Coldplay (only because I listened to it earlier today), lemonade, Yellow tulips (because Tulips are my favorite flower), Yellow Daisy's, the sun, bananas, eggs, the stars, cheese, popcorn, and lights. I'm sure there are plenty more things! What comes to mind to you when you think the word yellow?

"X"pectations

Expectations.... when you are held accountable to live up to certain rules, promises, etc. Will you live by the expected or the unexpected?

 No Expectations

    by Neva Flores

I rest upon the windowsill of life’s great expectations

Watching as the world spins by so fast

Not blinded by all the well established estimations

The world brings into our vision from the past

Curiosity and depth of soul have made me who I am

Proudly resting in my own individuality

Watching with no expectations from the windowsill of life

Freely existing in my own personality

Who you are and what you do is of great interest to my soul

Yet I have no expectations of you my friend

I am so very happy to watch you from the windowsill of life

Free to be the individual you hold within

If you will come and sit beside me and rest upon life’s windowsill

We will watch together as the world spins by so fast

Just accept me as I am and I will do the same for you

Such a splendid friendship we will have

Wowzers..... Watching Way to Much TV

My name is Jenee and I am a TV addict. I watch at least 10-15+ television shows a week.... Yeah.... I know.... It's ridiculous. I have no idea when it began or when I got all this time, but I literally find some time to watch this much TV. Some things run during the summer, only in the fall or spring, and then all through fall and spring. So I have something to watch allllll year long. It's a problem. I get wrapped in to story lines and then I'm hooked until they cut me off. Yes it's a problem. Here is just a tiny list of the things I watch on TV now:

Sunday:

Once Upon A Time

Monday:

Dancing With the Stars

Smash

Tuesday:

Glee

Dancing With the Stars Results

Ringer

Giuliana & Bill

Body of Proof

Wednesday:

Criminal Minds

Revenge

One Tree Hill :( :( series ended

Thursday:

Grey's Anatomy

The Vampire Dairies

Up All Night

Friday:

Undercover Boss

Saturday:

I usually catch up on all this stuff online!!

Versus: Snickers vs Twix

A friend of mine told me this analogy at camp this summer and I probably won't ever forget it because it's so true!

Imagine your favorite chocolate candy. Most people will name snickers or a recces as their favorite. What about a twix? When I think about a twix I think-- I haven't had one in awhile, it'd be nice to have one. In our lives we have people that are our favorite people to go to. They are the first person we call, they are the first person we want to hang out with-- they are essentially our snickers. We enjoy having them around all the time. Then we have those people in our lives that we love but we don't necessarily have to be around them all the time. We call them to hang out every once in a blue moon, we don't have to see them all the time-- they are essentially our twix. They are like a a breath of fresh air.

When I was told about this analogy I got to thinking about my friendships and where I stand. I'm pretty sure I am a twix in a lot of them and I am OK with that, but for some people who don't know that they are it can be hard on them when their snickers friend doesn't have time for them. Basically, the moral of this story.... figure out where you stand in your friendships, because it'll save you a ton of heartache and time!

Underestimating the Power of Laughter

Do you ever have those days where you just laugh until your belly hurts and tears come streaming down your face, but you just can't stop laughing? I sure have! And I love those moments. I haven't had one in quite sometime but I look forward to it because even though the world is a messy place just taking a moment to just laugh can make a difference of a lifetime! Don't underestimate the power of laughter.

Here are some YouTube videos that literally are the most ridiculous things on the planet but made me laugh probably the hardest: