Perfectly Imperfect

"Perfectly imperfect"-- someone said this in a conversation with me about none other than guess... Scandal.  It not only inspired me to write again, it's also intrigued me over the past few days. Why? Because in a world that's telling you to be and act a certain way-- becoming absolutely perfect sounds like a marathon I'd NEVER win or run. Scandal does this weird thing were you hate a character one minute but then cry the next because you see the pain behind the stupid thing they did that made you mad in the first place. I mean the show is completely based on a relationship between a married president and a woman that isn't his wife. (Olitz forever!)

Everyone is flawed on that show. Just like me. I have flaws. I am by no means perfect AT ALL. Sometimes I say bad words, judge people, feel insanely depressed, write horribly, and watch an extreme amount of TV. But then I also love to laugh, have this extreme hope of healing, love for food, and for the first time ever am allowing optimism to become apart of my vocabulary. So yes in one sense to this world I am imperfect, because I don't do things like everyone expects me to. But in my world, I am perfect. Instead of living in a world where I have to be "twice as good", I can say and do things for me that will help me grow and become the woman I was born to be. Perfectly imperfect sounds like a walk in the park that I will definitely take. Be the best you!

Just the Way You Are- Bruno Mars 

"Crash and Burn"

My TV addiction is a serious problem. No one has to tell me that. I remind myself of it everyday. But this past year I think it has reached it's max! I love the TV show Scandal. Just go read the last five posts I've done or ask ANY of my friends and they'll tell ya. It's an obsession of mine.

Well in the past week or so... well ever since season 3 started to be honest things have been a little cray cray surrounding the Scandal world. If it's not the fandom fighting about Fitz vs Jake,  it's the most respected blogger amongst the fandom being outed as an employee of ABC! It's literally one thing after another. So the psycho that I am feels like my "world" is falling apart. I am losing touch with reality. I am so much meaner. Don't ask me to be honest right now. I might just say what I'm actually thinking. If I'm staying away from you, take it as a blessing. There's a reason. I'm racking my brain trying to figure out another TV show I can obsess over because Scandal isn't going to make it. I know it isn't. It is going to crash and burn because so many people like me are invested and at the sign of the least bit of trouble they are gonna pull out. The ratings for this season keep plummeting. The twitter stats keep going down and down. It's a slow burn for failure unless something happens... I am holding out hope because this show opened up my eyes to see a million things about myself and the life around me. Almost like therapy. But I also ain't no dummy and am looking vigorously for a new show! I like "acting" normal and if TV helps in the process then I must find something that helps me get back on the path of "normality".

All Roads Lead to....

Scandal is back. So in other words I have a million things to write about! So let's jump right in.

This weeks episode (302) of Scandal wasn't my favorite for a lot of reasons but in particular a scene towards the end (don't watch if violence is a problem for you) just sent me over the edge. This scene kinda goes hand in hand with a scene I mention in an earlier blog post where I talk about being real with people and honesty. But in this particular scene Olivia, the main character, is being confronted by her person  because she lied to him about something pretty big. A lot of people, bloggers are upset with the violence in this scene but I, however, the sociology/psychology major in me sees the underlying pain in this scene. Huck lost his most trusted, valued friend in a second by a decision she made. As a defense mechanism he did/does the one thing he knows as comfortable/comforting to him. What is that thing for you?

This scene pairs so well with my other post because it's why none of us trust anyone to ever fully be honest and real with. We've either experienced deep pain and hurt by someone we trusted once or we see and hear stories like the one mentioned above-- not so dramatic of course (violence and abuse are NEVER ok). So we use our defense mechanisms- shutting people out, faking friendships, not being real, mean girls, cattiness, build walls, etc. as a way to protect our hearts that are broken. It makes me ANGRY. Because this is real life. I wish to see something different.

So instead of seeing this scene as disturbing like most people are, I see it as painfully true. Trust is sacred for some reason. And once it's gone...

Plus! Sidenote! I just really love the character Huck. He's dark, yet loyal. And I love the relationship that he and Olivia had.... I was sad to see the writers take his character down this path.  :(

"752"

Well if you don't know anything about me then you need to learn fast that I love me some TV and I love me some Scandal. One of my favorite episodes I recently got to re-watch thanks to BET and these Saturday marathons they have been running. The episode is called "752". There are a million reasons why I love the episode but in particular the raw emotion and honest that is emmited just blows my mind.

The power of raw emotion and honesty. True honesty. Raw emotion. Does anyone even know how to be truly honest and show emotion? In our society, I think it's been taught to us the importance of getting ahead, being strong-- pushing whoever we need to to get what we want. We pretend we don't have time for this or that but instead remain lonely. This episode of Scandal reminded me of that. We can look like we have it all together yet still be so lonely. Why is that? I think it's because we think that everybody has it together. On the outside we all look put together but on the inside we are one jumbled up mess. So instead of our "friends" saying it'll get better, I'll pray for you, I understand. It would be better if they were saying I screwed up too but I am still pushing through and know that it'll get better. No one cares just about all the clean parts of your life. The clean parts are only half the story. We need to hear the messy. We need to know that you still struggle. And not just past struggles. But what happens now. In the present? As an adult? Today?  Lies and half truths can't be the building blocks of friendships and community. Only through God, truth, love, acceptance, forgiveness, and time can true community florish. Are you willing to set your dirt on the table with everyone else's? Whose willing to make the first move? 

All Of Me

What's it like for someone to know you inside out? Right down to your best hair days or to the way you snore in your sleep. Knowing someone is not limited to these little things by any means but what really qualifies as knowing someone? I wish I knew.

I don't think anyone really knows who I am yet. I feel as though I am even trying to figure that out myself. Letting someone in, letting someone get to know the good, bad, and ugly parts of you seems like a scary yet beautiful part of life.

I fell in love with this John Legend song "All of Me" after it was featured on an episode of Grey's Anatomy. John Legend I believe is writing to his fiancé about their relationship and how they both know one another inside out so he is giving himself all to her. He talks about them giving their imperfections to one another, how they both are a little crazy and that's ok because he is ready to give all of himself to her! It's a beautiful song that I find myself drawn too for a lot of reasons. Reasons that I don't even think I know or even ready to admit. If you're in the mood for a feel good love song please give it a listen you won't be disappointed.

Privacy

I never knew how much I valued my privacy until recently. I was in a situation recently where I didn't  have any privacy. I mean none! Maybe an hour here or there but that's it. Somedays there wasn't a second of privacy. Being an introvert,  I sometimes crave and need alone time so this situation I was in was one of the toughest. I usually take my alone times to just be and to clear my head of the day. Unfortunately that was not the case. I definitely realize how much I value my privacy and just my time alone. I will not take it for granted anymore.

You let me know you....

What better way to start off this blog after a LONG hiatus than to pay homage to my favorite TV show on television right now, Scandal. In a pivotal plot turning episode one of the main characters delivers this line telling someone "I know you because you let me know you" making it obvious that he doesn't let anyone else know him fully.

This scene stuck out to me when I saw it but I never knew why until a couple of  weeks ago when someone asked me a very similar question to the above "do you let anyone know the real you?" Being asked this brought up a lot of questions for me. Do I let anyone know the real me? Do I want anyone to know the real me? I don't know. What I do know is that writing is an outlet for me. Music and television have been ways that really help me figure out the little, maybe even big things that are going on inside. So here I will continue to write the small nuggets of truths that help me cope with the day in front of me. Hopefully I will continue to  give you a glimpse into life as I know it.

My year in Song....

Have you ever wanted certain moments in your life to play some sorta background music whenever something monumental or dramatic happened just to make the moment mean so much more? Well me being the avid music/TV lover I am-- I want this to happen to me all the time! A great TV show for me is always remembered by the song that plays when something crazy happens! We all remember that song that played when Marissa died on the O.C. or the theme song to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air! I haven't been here in awhile so I thought why not make my dreams come true and update you on the past year of my life in song! Some songs it's just a lyric, maybe the epic drums or piano in the background, or even the song in its entirety that make it important to my soundtrack. Sit back and enjoy the soundtrack that is my life!

January

I Don't Want to Be by Gavin DeGraw

February

The End Where I Begin by The Script

March

Ghost by Ingrid Michaelson

April 

Your Hands by JJ Heller

May

I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz

June

Maybe by Ingrid Michaelson

July
Let the Rain by Sara Bareilles

August

Keep Your Head Up by Andy Grammar

September

Shake It Out by Florence and The Machine but I love the Glee Version!

October

Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship

November

All by The Summit Church
All-In Stories from The Summit Church on Vimeo.

December

Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses