Conversations with Jenee: Failure.

Have you ever felt like a failure?

I have. Probably almost everyday. It's like a disease that spreads through my veins and paralyzes me into thinking I can't do anything right for anybody.  It's unfortunate to feel this way.

Recently, I've been listening to this song by Colbie Caillat that I think is her best song since Bubbly. It's called "Try". She basically says that as girls we try to be all these things that everyone wants but in the end lose ourselves and that we should ultimately love the person we are.

As the new year approaches I am going to try this new thing where I give up on trying to make everything right in the world I can't control and just let things be. God has ultimate control and he'll see things through. Even when I think I've failed.

Would you rather...

Would you rather be lied to or told the truth? 

I've been wrestling with the concept of honesty lately and I've been faced with moments of having to be honest with myself.

I feel like sometimes it's easy to live behind lies. I'd rather stay behind the darkness of what is comfortable and easy than face the inevitable reality of truth.

But what's that old saying "the truth will set you free..." 

Being honest with myself may be difficult and hard to face but boy does the weight of the world that I've been carrying seem a little lighter. 

Tuesday Tunes

I forgot to post for Music Monday. So how about Tuesday Tunes. Here are the Top 10 songs playing on my iPod at the moment.

All About That Bass

 

Latch

 

Superheroes

 

Basket Case

 

Dancing on My Own

 

Happiness

 

Love Somebody

 

Eden

 

Pumpin Blood

 

Everything Will Change

 



Just Another Music Monday

Music is a huge part of my life. It makes me happy. It makes me sad. It's everything. When my best friend and I had this random idea to cheer each other up it made sense. I hope this short but happy video makes your Monday happy.



Conversations between Jenee and You

My best friend had a blog that she called Conversations between B and Interwebs and I loved it because she wrote about the random things going on in her life and it was literally like a conversation. So to pay homage to her and to get some things out of my brain, I'm going to have a conversation with you today.

My life has been a whirlwind this past month. But I will say that I have learned more about myself in the past month than I have in awhile. All because of dating. I know right? Jenee went out on a date. A couple of dates in fact. I hit it off with this guy and we were hanging out for a little while and I can honestly say it was the most fun month of my life. For someone like me who spends a lot of time carrying other people's burdens or the weight of the world on her shoulders. To say that I had fun is a HUGE statement. But I did. And I can honestly say I miss it. I don't necessarily miss the boy I was hanging out with. I miss the person I was. I was normal. I was carefree. I wasn't the "dump truck" that I sometimes feel like I am. I took care of myself. I miss that. So this past week has been really hard. It's like I've forgotten how to take care of myself. I'm back into old patterns. The carefree Jenee and the normal Jenee are gone. Strange right? I know. I'm still grappling with it as well. Why does hanging out with a guy make me feel so carefree and normal. Probably because it's something I never expected to be comfortable with. And I am. Weird.

Say what you need to say...

Hello! I've been MIA for a bit. Lots of craziness in my life. But I'm back.

I've been having a lot of discussions lately about honesty and friendships, etc. So it got me to thinking about relationships and expectations in those relationships. Not to toot my own horn or anything but I've been told by a lot of people that they like talking to me. I haven't quite figured that out because I'm the most insane person I know but apparently I am a good listener. I'm definitely thankful that people enjoy my company and like talking to me but I place this pressure on myself to always have the right answer or have something to say whenever someone tells me a story. But what I'm learning is that I can't and won't always have what that person needs. Someone wise told me once that sometimes just listening is what people need. They don't need an eloquent speech or words of wisdom all the time. They just need someone whose quietly and engagely  listening to the things going on in their hearts.

I've also been learning that it's good to listen to yourself. "You know YOU the best" someone told me recently. And she was right. Being able to listen to your own heart and the needs of your own heart is a beautiful thing. Sometimes you find yourself not going down a path of destruction because of something someone else "told" you or "made" you do because you took a step back and listened to your gut.

So I guess the point of my rambling and of this blog is to remind you to be honest with yourself and to remember to just listen sometimes. It can be a beautiful thing when two friends really see each other for who they are for the first time.

"A Door Marked Exit"

Well scandal isn't back, but of course the inspiration for my post is deeply rooted in all things scandal. "A Door Marked Exit" was the title for the winter finale of scandal. It also was a line that Olivia's dad used when he was sparing with the president about how Olivia is the president's escape from reality, his door marked exit from all the crap in his life he hates.

I've thought about this a lot over the last couple of weeks because for me personally the past few weeks, months, years, etc. have been pretty hellish. And to be completely honest there are a million things I would consider as my door marked exit. Some things pretty "normal" that people can see ( tv addiction much?) and some things "not so normal" that people can't see and that are pretty harmful.

If we all were honest with ourselves, even Olivia's dad, we all have something in our lives that we consider a door marked exit. That thing we use to escape the ugly in our lives when things get to tough to deal with. It's hard to admit some days that life is too much and an escape from reality is needed or that we are unwilling/untrusting to get help when we need it because our society isn't necessarily giving us that boost of encouragement we need to be free...

So I get it. And I don't judge you or the president for your doors marked exit because deep down I don't know what I would do without mine.

2nd Annual "My Year in Song"

I don't have to explain to you all how much I love music or how much fun it was to think about my life in terms of a soundtrack. You know me right? Well anyway in case you don't remember feel free to read my first "My Year in Song" to get an understanding of why I love doing this. In case you forgot-- some songs a lyric, maybe an epic drum solo, piano in the background, or even the song in its entirety make it important to my soundtrack in that particular month. Sit back and enjoy the soundtrack that is my life!

January

"Marchin On" by One Republic 

February

"Home" by Glee Cast

March

"My Love Is Your Love" by Glee Cast

April

"The Heart of Life" by John Mayer

May

"Beautiful Things"- Gungor 

June

"Diamonds" by Rihanna

July

"Eden" by Sara Bareilles

August

"Oh How I Need You" by All Sons & Daughters

September

"Born and Raised" by John Mayer

October

"Hercules" by Sara Bareilles

"Everything Will Change" by Gavin DeGraw

November

"If I Die Young" by Glee Cast

December

"Wide Awake" by Glee cast

"Counting Stars" by One Republic 

Bonus Tracks

"Story of My Life" by One Direction

"Dear No One" by Tori Kelly