Treasures

If you know anything about me then you know I love music. Look at any of my previous post and you'll see several posts that are music related. There are a couple of reasons I love music but the main reason I feel like I do is because it somehow resonates the words I sometimes can never find to say. But I also find that sometimes music will actually not give me the words to say but actually it will give me a message that I sometimes need to hear.

This week hasn't particularly been the easiest week for me. Just a lot of things happened back to back and I had no idea how to deal with it all at once. I felt like I had no control. I didn't know who to turn to. I felt like God wasn't listening. But all week I had been listening to this sing about "how rich a treasure [Jesus] we possess". Today I finally understood what the true message God was trying to give me behind that song. So often I try to control everything-- but if I actually stop and think and look at what Jesus did for me He's already done all the work. I'm making myself tired trying to save everyone when that's impossible because He's already done everything that needs to be done. I have to look up to him and allow Him to do the work in his way-- not mine.

How rich a treasure we surly do possess if we actually stood back and realized it. I'm thankful for the true realization today and the peace that came with it.

"Here, it is already unlocked!!!"

So as most of you know I got to see Gavin Degraw on Tuesday night! I was wearing my lucky dress, so I had high expectations for this night and boy did it not disappoint!

I got to the venue downtown promptly around 7pm and was able to enjoy Andy Grammer's soulful voice as well as his presence in the crowd.

Then around 7:50ish cool, calm, and chill Colbie Caillat came out and gave a very relaxing set that was really fun to watch.

Finally around 9:15ish Mr. Gavin himself made his entrance and gave a rocking show where it was impossible to sit down as well as take pics with all the flashing lights!!

Welllll after they finish singing doesn't mean the show is over! If you know anything about me, you know that deep down in my heart I want to see if he'll make an appearance sometime after the show is over! So yes! I wait around! I've had the honor of being in Gavin's presence once before and sadly the three other times prior: he was at a huge venue and didn't make his way out, second time he was sick and headed to the bus, and lastly I was with a friend who couldn't stay and wait with me!! So I was staying this time to see him no matter what!

I was lucky enough to have awesome girls with me who knew what this waiting game was all about! So we hovered around in the venue for a bit after the concert was over, looking for any sign of Gavin..... And then there are screams! We see that hat! I take off on a brisk walk only to get stiff armed by this lady who apparently was security!! Came out of nowhere! I think I was so focused on the hat that I didn't see her! If I hadn't of hit her arm so hard I probably woulda kept on going. Anyway this lady tells us we can't go see him and that we have to make our way to the exit. So what do we do? We just pick another random place to chill until Gavin comes out to us! Of course this doesn't work and we get yelled at multiple times to leave! So we decide we will. We'll just wait up by the gates. At this point we have done what we have been told and exited but apparently not what they wanted! They tell us even after we have exited to leave from in front of the gates!! WHAT!! !#@$*&%^#@%$%$ ^ We have done what you said now you're trying to kick us from in front of the gate! So like any determined girl-- we find another gate and hover there!! This gate actually looks promising! It looks like the gate where the buses will leave from. So at least we'll get to wave goodbye!

At this point I'm getting sad! I wore my lucky dress! The same dress I met Gavin in the first time (embarrassing pic later) this dress is carrying all the luck and it's getting me nowhere! But wait! There are more screams! And just over the top of the fence covered by some type of sheet material we see the Hat! Gavin came out to sign autographs for leftover lingering fans! WHAT!!! They kicked us out! But not everyone! So what do determined girls/boy do? We hang over the fence, pull back this sheet material covering the fence, or jump the fence and watch Gavin sign autographs. We mope and talk about how much we hate the security people for kicking us out and not them! Jenee(me) says "We love you Gavin!!!!" just so that he knows we're so close to him yet so far! He see us!! Waves!! And continues signing autographs. But keeps looking back!

We have high hopes!!!!! He continues to keep looking over at us! Does this mean he'll come over! I don't know! Maybe this lucky dress will work after all! He signs his last autograph and we wave and shout things to him and HE COMES OVER!!! Yes COMES OVER!! But he's only talking to us over the fence because at this point he doesn't know but we all know that I discovered that the gate was unlocked a long time ago!!! But we decided that if all of us ran in we would get in more trouble than we would like so we shut it and kept our hopes up for something better!! Well better came when Gavin says "how many of you are out there" and something clicked and I have no idea what he said or anyone said but I knew they needed to know that the gate was unlocked!! And seeing how my aggressive side comes out at night and I wasn't taking anything for chance!! I let them know it was open! I casually unlocked the gate and said "Here! it is already unlocked!!!!" I freaked out the guy that was with Gavin and he said something like "OH NO!" But Gavin was soooooo awesome and kind and squeezed right through the gate and signed autographs and took pictures with like 7 or so girls and guys! And even answered questions and chatted with us a bit! Can you believe it? I still cannot! Like in a million years what artist would do that? None! Especially one as famous as Gavin! I was so shocked! And so proud at the same time! He's been my favorite artist for years because of his humble and genuine personality and soulful voice! Now I just got to see it in person! Even one of his band mates was awesome enough to come and talk with us and take pics! That truly will be a night I never forget!

(1'st time I met Gavin in '09!! Can't really see the lucky dress in this pic! but this is it as well as my double chin marty, and Mr. Degraw!!!!!!!!)

(Gavin and Me!! '12 --> and the lucky dress)

(Ian! the drummer! And the girls!!!! <3)

*thanks MarieJo for taking pics and Angie for letting me tag along! :)

Connected

A few months ago I wrote a blog about how crazy I was about Gavin Degraw. I was fortunenough toget to see him again for the 5th time on Tuesday night with some awesome girls. (More to come-- Tomorrow)

I titled this blog connected for that very reason. The awesome girls that I got to share this night with-- the night I and they will never forget. I was in the Gavin Degraw fan club for a year my sophomore year in college. I loved it. I met these amazing fans from all over the world who had the same if not more love for Gavin that I did. Fast forward 2 and 1/2 years later, no longer apart of the fan club, and I'm still talking to these girls like I never left. Half of you are reading this like-- yep, I knew she was crazy. And that's ok!

But what I've been thinking about ever since leaving that concert is that so many of my closest friends are Christians and we are connected through something much bigger than Gavin Degraw and his name is Jesus, yet that bond gets so overshadowed by life's daily hassles. My prayer this week and what seems like it will be forever is that God will constantly remind people and me of the bond he created for us to have and that we actually utilize that bond. Because if it's anything like the bond I have with the Gavin Girls it has to be amazing because these girls constantly remind me to never give up, push for my dreams, to have fun, and to be honest. It's a connection I am forever grateful to have and it's a connection I hope to start creating in other areas of my life.

here's a teaser for the after concert showdown blog tomorrow....... I even got stiff armed by some lady! but know I prevailed in the end!!

(photo props to MarieJo!)

Zac Efron

Yeah I know I know... Me and my posts about famous people! I promise it's going to make sense! Today is the last day of the blogger challenge and I have let you all inside my heart and mind for the past month, so it only makes sense that I leave you with something that I have learned.

So I was one of those obsessed girls who loved Zac Efron and the High School Musical saga. I know all the songs, pretended to be Gabriella (Vanessa Hudgens), and pretended I could sing. Well the last movie came out when I was a sophomore in college... Yeah I know... And I of course went out to buy the DVD and was so proud of where those kids had been and how much they had grown up.

Well recently I saw The Lucky One a movie based off a book by Nicholas Sparks that stars none other than Zac Efron. Before I saw the film all I was thinking is, he's too young for this part and/or the girl they paired him with in the movie looks too old for him, etc. etc. etc. I finally see the movie and boy was I more than wrong! Zac is no kid and he more than played the part well; he owned it. He was not that little boy who sang and dance in those musicals 3 years ago, he was a man.

Well happens to be that I will be graduating soon and I will no longer get to be the naive girl who watches and lives vicariously through characters in movies, however, I will have to be a young woman finding her place in the big ol world out there. Zac Efron believe it or not reminded me of the changes that are definitely ahead of me and how I have a lot to look forward to and a lot to prepare for. It's the start of something new and I'm willing and ready to see what's next and new for me.

In the sweet voices of Gabriella and Troy.....

Yellow

When I think of the word or color yellow, I think refreshing! It's such a beautiful color that reminds me of happiness, freshness, and spring. The first things I think of when I think of yellow....

Yellow by Coldplay (only because I listened to it earlier today), lemonade, Yellow tulips (because Tulips are my favorite flower), Yellow Daisy's, the sun, bananas, eggs, the stars, cheese, popcorn, and lights. I'm sure there are plenty more things! What comes to mind to you when you think the word yellow?

"X"pectations

Expectations.... when you are held accountable to live up to certain rules, promises, etc. Will you live by the expected or the unexpected?

 No Expectations

    by Neva Flores

I rest upon the windowsill of life’s great expectations

Watching as the world spins by so fast

Not blinded by all the well established estimations

The world brings into our vision from the past

Curiosity and depth of soul have made me who I am

Proudly resting in my own individuality

Watching with no expectations from the windowsill of life

Freely existing in my own personality

Who you are and what you do is of great interest to my soul

Yet I have no expectations of you my friend

I am so very happy to watch you from the windowsill of life

Free to be the individual you hold within

If you will come and sit beside me and rest upon life’s windowsill

We will watch together as the world spins by so fast

Just accept me as I am and I will do the same for you

Such a splendid friendship we will have

Wowzers..... Watching Way to Much TV

My name is Jenee and I am a TV addict. I watch at least 10-15+ television shows a week.... Yeah.... I know.... It's ridiculous. I have no idea when it began or when I got all this time, but I literally find some time to watch this much TV. Some things run during the summer, only in the fall or spring, and then all through fall and spring. So I have something to watch allllll year long. It's a problem. I get wrapped in to story lines and then I'm hooked until they cut me off. Yes it's a problem. Here is just a tiny list of the things I watch on TV now:

Sunday:

Once Upon A Time

Monday:

Dancing With the Stars

Smash

Tuesday:

Glee

Dancing With the Stars Results

Ringer

Giuliana & Bill

Body of Proof

Wednesday:

Criminal Minds

Revenge

One Tree Hill :( :( series ended

Thursday:

Grey's Anatomy

The Vampire Dairies

Up All Night

Friday:

Undercover Boss

Saturday:

I usually catch up on all this stuff online!!

Versus: Snickers vs Twix

A friend of mine told me this analogy at camp this summer and I probably won't ever forget it because it's so true!

Imagine your favorite chocolate candy. Most people will name snickers or a recces as their favorite. What about a twix? When I think about a twix I think-- I haven't had one in awhile, it'd be nice to have one. In our lives we have people that are our favorite people to go to. They are the first person we call, they are the first person we want to hang out with-- they are essentially our snickers. We enjoy having them around all the time. Then we have those people in our lives that we love but we don't necessarily have to be around them all the time. We call them to hang out every once in a blue moon, we don't have to see them all the time-- they are essentially our twix. They are like a a breath of fresh air.

When I was told about this analogy I got to thinking about my friendships and where I stand. I'm pretty sure I am a twix in a lot of them and I am OK with that, but for some people who don't know that they are it can be hard on them when their snickers friend doesn't have time for them. Basically, the moral of this story.... figure out where you stand in your friendships, because it'll save you a ton of heartache and time!

Underestimating the Power of Laughter

Do you ever have those days where you just laugh until your belly hurts and tears come streaming down your face, but you just can't stop laughing? I sure have! And I love those moments. I haven't had one in quite sometime but I look forward to it because even though the world is a messy place just taking a moment to just laugh can make a difference of a lifetime! Don't underestimate the power of laughter.

Here are some YouTube videos that literally are the most ridiculous things on the planet but made me laugh probably the hardest:

The Bridesmaid List

Well apparently 22 is the ideal age of marriage in Raleigh or at least among the friend groups I am in. But as these friends of mine are hit with all the crazy duties of making their lists, picking out their dress, they also have the daunting task of choosing their bridesmaids. These girls have to choose out of all their friends the most worthy girls to stand next them on their special day. It's a lot of work. A lot of work I had never thought about. When a friend of mine told me and our other friend once that she needed to become best friends with us because she needed to increase her bridesmaid list I thought she was hilarious, but truthful. I got to thinking about my friend groups and who I would want to spend that special day with me and it's hard. Do I really have a best friend that I would say "she is definitely my maid of honor"? What about those friends who move away that I don't always talk to on a regular basis but I still consider as good friends? What about those friends that I share a bond with but we don't talk all the time? What about those girls whose weddings you were in? Childhood friends? I have nooooo idea. And it's ridiculous that you have to think about all these things. But someone has to and one day or right now you have to choose! Good luck and may the best girls win....

So sometimes I wonder......

what my life would be like if I were a ballroom dancer... Would they call me to be on dancing with the stars or would I be some awesome dance instructor!

what my life would be like if I never came to ncsu or Raleigh.... To painful to think about!

what my life would be like if I could cook. Would I be 15 pounds lighter or heavier?

what my life would be like if I was actually good at Draw Something! I'm sure Danielle would be happy!

what my life would be like if I didn't have twitter! How would I know what Gavin was doing every single second of the day? Just kidding.. But really?

what my life would be like if I had a Mac. Would I get things done faster? (sorry pc).

what would my life look like if I didn't have my iPhone (geez! I don't wanna know!)

what would my life look like if I were happy with just being Jenee!

Risks

I'm not much of a risk taker, but maybe you are. Do you sign up for those random classes that have nothing to do with your major or future career goals? Do you wait until the very last minute to get gas for your car? Do you drive 10-15 mph over the speed limit down the highway? Do you text and drive? I know most of these aren't the most stressful risky behaviors a person can be involved in, but they all involve a risk.

I'm the type of person who likes to go with the flow of life. I don't necessarily seek or want to be involved in situations where things aren't flowing nicely, so risks are not my thing! However, I do believe that in life the unknown is a risk that we have to accept each and everyday! I have no idea what my future holds-- the job market isn't looking to pretty out here, so allowing my future plans to kinda just be up in the air at the moment is a huge risk I'm having to take. Just learning how to be content where I am in the moment, let God take control, and embrace the risk.

Quotes

I LOVE quotes! Very inspiring! So I thought it would be fun if the three or so (I hope there are more) of you who read this blog would post some of your favorite quotes! I found this one recently and I love it!

"You will never become who you want to be if you keep blaming everyone else for who you are."

- Unknown

Picky Eaters!

I am the girl who grew up eating lots of pasta and hot dogs because they were (are) pretty cheap and easy to make. When I was old enough I used to cook for me and my brother and we literally lived off Hamburger Helper, Kraft Mac and Cheese, Tacos, and anything else that you can boil and make in 20 minutes. It definitely made us picky eaters because that's all we knew. Now that I am in college I haven't strayed to far from the gourmet meals I used to make me and my brother. My favorite food is still mac and cheese and I eat tacos (or some form of Mexican) all the time. Living on a college budget I still (have to) make the cheap, easy foods I know how to make. Fortunately, I work part-time at a restaurant in Cary called Chef's Palette. They serve American food with a Creole kinda twist. So I have learned to expand my palate just by working there for 8 months. We serve a lot of seafood and spicy food that I was never used to. I also have wonderful friends who love taking me to new restaurants all around town that I've never been to. So I would say that my "pickness" is fading fast and I am enjoying the wonderful new foods available out there.

One Step At A Time

Sometimes I think it's easy as a young, smart, fresh, energized girl like me (can you hear the sarcasm?) to try and do everything in the free world all at once. If it's looking for jobs, doing my homework at the last minute, figuring out how to pay for summer school, tackling my random emotions, passing my classes, even going to classes, looking for jobs, looking for places to live, keeping up with my friends all over the place, etc. you name it- I'm doing it all at once.

But if you think about it-- it's really hard to even keep track of all those things and it's even harder to put forth your best effort in those things if you're trying to do them all at once. So why not take one step at time and do the absolute best that you can at one particular thing at one time-complete it and then move on to the next thing. Having a million things on my plate and trying to get them all done at once isn't going to get them done any faster. It's just going to cause an incomplete, unorganized, stressed out mess in the end. Wouldn't you whether have tasks completed one task at a time to the best of your ability, so that you never second guess yourself on the work you put in to it?

Newbie!

The bar manager at work today asked me if I would show her how the hostess stand computer worked. I was really excited to show someone "new" the ropes of our computer because we don't train new people that often. She's the bar manager so she won't be at the hostess stand that often but if it ever got busy she would know the basics and could lend us an extra hand. I liked being able to just share my expertise on something that anyone could learn. It's nice to feel needed and be asked to show such a small piece of my job with someone new.

Money......

I guess I should get back on track with the blogger challenge and move on with my blogging! So money... It's a sensitive topic I feel like among everyone. If you're rich you don't want people to know how rich you are; if you're poor you spend your time fighting to move up; and if your in the middle you pray nothing happens to make you move down in the SES ladder. It's sensitive. I don't know exactly where my family is in the SES ladder. I do know that we never needed for anything when I was growing up but we also never splurged on unnecessary things either. I've also had a job ever since I was sixteen and I know what it means to be reponsible to pay for certain things as well. Now that I am about to be out on my own things are even more scary. I pay a lot of bills and things on my own already but it is still very tough. I'm also having to pay for summer school and it's one of the hardest realizations to realize you don't have the money to pay for it all at once and you are going to have to fight with all you have to earn every dime it's going to cost so that you can graduate college. Money.... It's sensitive, uncomfortable, but we all face the issues it brings daily.

Lovely

So I am swaying from the rules of blogger challenge and posting another "L" because I'm a rebel. Ha! Yeah right! Really I just wanted to share this song that someone posted on twitter recently that I love! Enjoy! :)

Listen...

Have you ever just took a moment to really listen? Maybe to the people around you, noises, friends, teachers, etc. It's a beautiful thing to just be quiet and really listen to life. Take a minute one day and experience what the world around you has to offer or maybe what it doesn't.

Killing With Kindness

I have this thing (that's completely awful) where if I'm mad, sad, upset, etc with someone I don't let them know it. Instead I kill them with my killer smile and charm. I just laugh and smile through unbearable situations but the other person has no idea. It's one of my worst curses (qualities-- passive aggressiveness is not attractive!!) These people have no idea that they've hurt me or that I'm still angry about something they've done because I just smile it off. It's the worst. But! I'm working on it! I'm learning that just being honest and letting people know that --hey! I don't like how you made me feel or treated me works wonders. If I let people know how they've made me feel in the moment then we can go on to figuring out either how to best work things out or not. Being able to be honest completely takes away killing with kindness because it really can hurt you and even worse the other person.

Joy

Lately it's hard for me to find the joy in anything. I kind of just expect the worst in all situations, people, etc. I laugh through all my struggles even though I'm on the verge of a breakdown on the inside. A couple of weeks ago I told someone I wouldn't even know what happiness feels like because I never really look forward to it. So my prayers these days are that God would please restore my joy again because joy is a precious thing to have. David in Psalm 51 had it right. And I completely love this passage and it's where I am these days.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.

-Psalm 51:12

Ideal Mate

I wrote a blogpost about my ideal mate a while ago sorta but now I am much wiser (maybe) and have some ideas of what I truly want (maybe). Just as I wrote in my former post the man that I marry needs to be some sort of musician. I mean I'm not going to be picky per se (I do like pianos) but he must play something that can put me to sleep at night. Next, I'm not the greatest cook so if he can cook that would be amazing! I like to eat, drink a little wine with dinner so if my future mate can have deep conversation with me too over his deliciously cooked meal.... I might be in heaven. Speaking of heaven-- my future mate must go to church with me and love the Lord. He must be into the idea of kids even if we don't have any. He must love me even when I'm fat, pmsing, happy, sad, in my weird moods, when I cry. He will love me basically on my best and worst days. I hope you all know that I'm kidding and with the track record of my life I would not get even half these things but a girl can dream! I know that God has the perfect ideal mate out there for me and he will be 10 times more amazing than the things I have listed here and boy I can't wait!!

Hunting... For jobs that is!

I am on the hunt for a full time job because I will be graduating soon! I frantically search job search engines all the time, retweek my resume every time I remember something I've done, and constantly check my email for anything new-- I'm always looking! It's the most stressful thing in the world to do. I have a part time job right now that I enjoy. It's not hard work at all but it doesn't pay enough for me to live off of. So I have to find something else to help supplement. It's scary. I'm on a time crunch! So my few followers out there if you know of any jobs out there in let me know! I'm all ears.

G as in Gavin; A as in Gavin; V as in Gavin; I as in Gavin; N as Gavin Degaw

If you are any kind of friend of mine you know I love Gavin Degraw!! He is my absolute favorite artist of all time! I have followed his music for some years now and what an impact his music has been. I have made many friends through his fan club site, I've pushed through hard times with the subtle sounds of his piano in the distance, and I have laughed countless times through his insane sense of humor. My friends think I'm crazy for my love/obsession for Gavin but I'll always love him and his music. To give you all a look into the awesomeness that is Gavin, here are some videos that I absolutely love:

I Don't Want to Be~ Theme Song from One Tree Hill ( absolutely love this song! so empowering! and how cute is Jamie Scott from OTH)

Easy/Cupid/ Chariot~ I first saw Gavin in concert in 2009 at High Point University in High Point, NC! A friend of mine just happened to get tickets- knew I loved Gavin and suffered through the night with me. He mashed his hit song, Chariot, with these wonderful oldie songs and I fell in love! I loved it! I knew he was going to give a great concert, I knew he loved music, and I knew it was worth the drive from Raleigh!

I Have You to Thank~ I love this song because I have soooo many things to be thankful for! I mean Gavin is talking about a girl in this song or whatever but whenever I hear this song come on in my car it's just a subtle reminder to be thankful plus I just love this video!

Glass~ This video is not the best quality, a couple years old but it is absolutely number one my favorite Gavin video of all time. I've seen this video a million times and I get chills every time. It's so honest, it's not a fan favorite, it's not the number one sold track, it's just purely Gavin doing what he loves.

Sweeter~ Gavin's new album is called Sweeter and this video is him just taking you (me) track by track explaining what they each mean (and how awesome they are). Go buy it!

Dancing With the Stars~ This last video just shows again why I love Gavin so much. He may have that tough rock exterior on the outside but he is such a caring, lighthearted guy on the inside. I love his dancing on dwts! He makes big improvements each and every week. It's so great to see. VOTE VOTE VOTE (1800- VOTE-404/ ABC.GO.COM/ TEXT 404) for him on Monday's! He's awesome and I hope I've given you a tiny glimpse into the awesome guy I've come to love over the years!

Friday.... Finished.... Forever....

It's Good Friday and what a day for reflection of what a sinless savior did for me and you....

Exhaustion.....

...... that's all I got today! I'm so exhausted and I still have a lot ahead of me! Just gotta remember to breath!

Dan Scott......

I've been thinking all morning how I was going to be able to incorporate One Tree Hill in the blog today since I had to use the letter "D" and what better way than to use the infamous Dan Scott. His character if you haven't watched the show basically is the reason the show exists in the first place. He has two sons and basically ruins and saves (mostly ruins) both of their lives and we've spent the last 9 seasons watching the two sons lives unfold.

I started watching OTH at the beginning of high school. It's that show that just caught my eye that I haven't been able to give up. I loved the characters, the stories, the music, the realness, and how it just resonated so well with my life. Tonight is the series finale. It's so weird to write. I even teared up a bit as I typed that out. I know you're probably thinking this girl is insane for getting emotional over a television show but it's so much more to me than just a TV show. My high school years were not the most pleasant time for me. I had awful things happening to my family during that time, school wasn't the greatest, I was moving around a lot, and nothing was constant. One Tree Hill has been constant for me. It was there from the very beginning and has lasted me all the way until I'm soon to graduate college. It gave me my favorite singer Gavin Degraw (more to come on Saturday), it showed me that if you try and really believe in something you can make it happen (this show has been on the chopping block many times but it's lasted 9 seasons), and it's showed me the courage to pursue the next step in my life.

So as the door closes tonight for One Tree Hill, I believe that a door is soon to open for me and treat me to a new beginning and a new chapter of life. Goodnight One Tree Hill

Conversations

I've been realizing lately the importance of conversations. Conversations with friends, family, God, whoever is so important. Just being able to be honest with someone, share your life, emotions, and feelings is something that I believe is detrimental in helping one move through life as smooth as possible as well as not alone. So who do you need to pursue that conversation with? Who needs to hear about your life and what's going on? Take the steps to have lunch, coffee, or dinner and have that conversation you know you need to have.

B Stands For Baller!

Today on the blog I've decided to represent another awesome blog out in the lovely inter webs as she likes to call it!

http://bstandsforballer.blogspot.com/

The lovely lady behind this blog has become one of my closest friends in probably the past few months. She knows how to be real, honest, call me out on my crap, listen to all my sob stories, and eat the most ridiculous food with me! She's going to be my future roomie and she's one of the best bloggers I know! Enjoy reading her blog!

Ability

So I decided to take on a blog challenge and blog the entire month of April except for Sunday's (this Sunday being the exception) and there is a theme everyday- you have to start with letters of the alphabet. So I start today with ability.

Ability is something I want to learn to take back. The ability to have confidence in myself, the ability to take care of myself, the ability to stand up for myself, the ability to finish well in school, the ability to actually pay for school, the ability to find a job after school, the ability to continue doing great in my job now, the ability to experience my next step in life with a smile, the ability to let the past be a distant memory, the ability to just be me, the ability to have a strong voice.

Can I act and make my abilities a reality? Can you?

Good Girl

Have you ever felt like you had to be the good girl all the time? The girl who always had a smile on her face. The girl who always had the right answers. The girl who always felt happy. The girl who was always good. I have. I have been that way for the past 22 years of my life. I'm sure when my mom was changing my diapers I was trying to figure out a way to be good. But what do you do when you feel the weight of being good becomes to much. That smile becomes forced and harder to put on. The right answers become so skewed you don't know what's right anymore. The happiness you felt turns into guilt. The good girl turns into the fake girl. I'm here to tell you I am that good girl. I am not happy all the time. Life is not perfect all the time. And sometimes I just can't smile all the time. But one thing I know is, there is this wonderful thing called grace. Grace is what makes it OK for me not to smile all the time. Grace is what makes it OK for me not to be right all the time. Grace is what makes it OK for me not to be happy all the time. And it is grace that makes it OK for me not to be a good girl all the time. Grace says that when I do have a bad day I know that I am loved and that someone else can be the good girl for the day because everyone deserves a break every once in awhile. So to all the good girls out there today know that you can take a break.... Grace is here and It is ready to step in and take your place.